Could you P- LEEAZZZE...

I remember quite clearly a time when Moannie wrote a list of do's and don'ts for the teens in her family, partly illustrated as is her style. This was a cry for help that l recognised, I had long since left home, married and I was visiting one day when I could tell she was at the end of her tether. I think this was also around the time she, at the end of a meal, in response to a simple question like, would you like some pudding too? that my fathers response was less than polite, probably sarcastic in his snappy Latin inimitable style, and she poured the contents of a can of chantilly cream all over his bald head with it.

We all hesitated with held breath for more than a nano second, realised he wasn't going to implode and instead we all laughed together, including the french student who looked aghast but just a bit impressed at the goings on within his anglo/french host family.

This list of heartache my mother poured out on to a large card, which she put up for all to see (And sign that they read and understood if l recall) in the dining room. This was the result of her lazy teenagers, showing her little respect, albeit unwittingly. And for the lackadaisical demeanour shown by my siblings and my father to her at the time.

I thought this was all fairly amusing and typical of my slightly manic and turbulent and very reactionary family. So no surprises there.

But now, almost 3 decades later, I GET IT MUM!

I wonder if you still have that list from which we could all here draw upon here.

Mine would have such detail and beseechments as;

PLEASE for the sake of your mothers sanity...

• pick up your clothes of the floor
• remove all food stuffs, milky mouldy glasses, old foiled wrapped sarnies now blue green and put them in the bin
• close the inner packaging in the cereal boxes, that's why they go soggy!
• don't stack the dirty dishes on top of the dishwasher, the machine is good but it cannot, as yet stack itself
• close the front door when you enter, no l don't mean lock it I mean CLOSE it.
• lock the doors and close windows when you leave the house unattended,
• tell someone when you drink the last of the milk/bread/butter and leave none for the morning
• correction, please do not DRINK the last of the milk, LEAVE some for the morning
• Don't leave lights, computers, speakers and hair straighteners on, for so many reasons, least of all costs and safety!
• It would be grand that after 14 years of early mornings and school runs, if I could have a lay in on MY day off, and you get yourselves up, JUST ONCE maybe!
• Don't bang doors
• Don't swear under your breath, I take it personally
• Don't talk to me walking halfway up the stairs I don't have bionic hearing
• I still give you lunch money, that means food & drink, not Starbucks and not to spend on the bus, its only 1.25 miles to school! If it rains l give you lift! OH Whatever!
• do say please and thank you to ME! Everyone tells me how Fab you both are, how polite and respectful but WHAT ABOUT ME! Thank me for the lifts here, there and everywhere!
• Please get up and answer the door to the postman when l'm at work and you're home (in bed asleep) the note he leaves has a time of attempted delivery, so l know what time you were still in bed. AND if l can get out of bed on MY day off and sign for YOUR ebay items, then you can scrub my back also....

Please feel free to add your rants here..............................Phew!

I KNOW there's so much more, but l need to take a break.