Friday, 11 September 2009

The seX factor

Okay now this may be taboo, but I AM gonna talk about it. S.E.X. sex. There I said it. But I'm not talking about the teenagers and sex, this time I'm talking about US MMM's, mums and dads and er sex.

Why do all teenagers think we don't have or do .... um ....well, sex actually? I get that they don't want to think about it, their Ma and Pa at it, but well you know... it does happen, yes it does, well maybe not as often as one would like but yeah, sometimes!

Recently my kids have twice heard me say something that they thought was, as they put it, ' Gross,' 'Revolting' & ' I think I'm gonna be sick' ,all in that order.

The first time was when Larry and I were sitting and chatting in the conservatoire, (sun lounge to toi and moi) and our son sluffing down the stairs to refill his stomach, (I feel this cold be another post topic ), replenished, he stopped by our den and we exchanged some talk and then he departed back to his dark, musky lair.

I left to put on the kettle and said to Larry, 'I really fancy a good snog!' and yes I still say snog c1971, but before Larry could respond in his usual, guffawing jokey fashion to distract me from my intentions, our son shouted down the stairs, 'I heard that Mum and that is well out of order,' and get this, 'Remember there are children in the house!'

So when it suits them, they are children, like last week, new trousers and school shoes, superfluous stationary, so that suits them, yeah? But when it comes to our own natural instincts, the parents are out of order, but the kids allow themselves, carte blanche! ?

The other most recent indiscretion and yes it is always me who gets caught and considering I've had 30+ years practice at subterfuge of this type, it's pretty disappointing really! Obviously I must be unusual for my age and seemingly I should be wearing black, letting my eyebrows grow in and too the hair on head, legs, underarms and face. Wear thick tights in the middle of summer, wear black unflattering clothing, like the elderly greek widows, then would this be appropriate do you think? I digress...where was I? Ah, yes Larry and I were laughing smuttily in the kitchen, heads together; daughter wafts into the room, all perfume and long legs up to her elbows, stops dead and grimaces, 'Oh you too aren't at it are you? Time and a place you know, time and a place!'

I do realise that there is an element of teasing here, and l am sure they prefer us like this, rather that at daggers drawn, but it seems to me there is no , get out of jail free card when you are a parent!

It used be, 'dont wake the baby!' but now it's more, ' the kid's are still up, shh!!' Now I really do understand the phrase, 'Get a room!' I think I might just do that, it's not all about them, it's about us too. After all they wouldn't be here if we hadn't had sex in the first place.

Can't help think though, what goes around comes around, eh? Karma eh Mother?


  1. Oh yes, I remember it well. In fact I was reminded just a week or so ago about the time we traumatized daughter no.2 when she barged into our room and found us 'fighting'. She was about seven at the time. Apparantly we 'scarred her for life'. didn't help that No.1 and only son explained what we had been doing. Seems that the fact that our bedroom door was shut, gave the game away...and HE had sent her.

  2. Sex? In the north, that's what we keep the coals in...

    I don't even know what you're talking about, Saz, for it only exists in my imagination these days :) Fab post - and very atmospheric! xox

  3. Not only do they not want to think about us doing it, but they also don't care to much about whether we have a life or not — we can, as long as it doesn't interfere with theirs.

    The answer is simple, though: get divorced. Now that I have 50-50 custody with my ex, my kids go to their dad part time and I'm free to do whatever I want when they're there ... like have sex.

    It may not be the best reason to get divorced, but it works for me ... ;-)

  4. One this, my first day with no small kids in the house (did I mention that anywhere before?) I threatened to walk around the house all day stark naked. The kids threatened not to come home, so god knows what they'd do if there was nookie involved.

  5. Expat Mum, I think we can guess your age by your use of the term NOOKIE!!! LOL

    vickie, get divorced, so my hubby, then ex, can have sex? nah, not just yet anyhow!!

    Fhina- IF my imagination were that good, I wouldnt need a man!!LOL

  6. Honestly, I really don't want to think about my parents doing it either. And they have seven kids so I know they did it 7 times.

    Thankfully six of my 8 kids are adopted, so my husband and I only had to do it twice.



  7. Haahaha! Uh boy..."Mom, of course I know you have sex. I can hear you." and all this time I thought I was being discrete by putting a pillow over my head.