My middle guy is in deep doo-doo at the moment. Let’s just say I’ve been warning him that when two or more teenage boys hang around on street corners, everyone assumes they are up to no good – and it happened the other night. Not that they were innocent, but there was a lot of jumping to conclusions by some neighbours and a police car was involved. It gave him the fright of his life and I don’t think he has slept properly since. My husband and I disagreed mildly on whether the whole incident was punishment enough, but I didn’t think we should let it go without “consequences” being put in place.
The biggest consequence as far as he is concerned, is the loss of Xbox for quite some time, and no pocket money/allowance for the same duration. For me it’s the fact that he’s grounded and not allowed to be with the nearest co-idiot unless there’s at least one parent present. He also has to do a big chore for me every day (they’re out of school for the summer here), as well as a page of his summer math packet.
Yes, it sounds a bit harsh, but I’m sure I’ll get through it. Unfortunately with kids this age, there aren’t a lot of toys to take away and when you do, you end up with a six foot lump of lard lying around the house, alternating between eating you out of house and home and shooting daggers at you. All this grounding and daily doling out of tasks is more work for me than anyone else, but needs must.
If anyone has any good “consequences” that don’t inflict so much parental pain I’d love to hear about them.
Expat Mum
Good luck with all that, I don't have any tips though - it's still early days for me as the Teenager-in-waiting is still only 12. She gets grounded occasionally but taking her laptop and phone away from her is usually adequate for what she has done. I'm sure things will change though!
ReplyDeleteUsed to be that a rant from Papa would do the trick for my lot, but then papa's rage was no hissy fit.
ReplyDeleteI was guilty of 'silent insubordination'that drove my mother wild, so nothing changes, the yawns, the looking skywards, the 'whatever' muttered under the breath. They no they have you covered, but they also know that it is written in stone that you love them no matter what.
They are dangerous years, no point in glossing over that fact, and your only hope is to be able to convey this fact to them, spelling out the dangers that you see and they don't. Appeal to their intelligence to get across your message, with out ranting or raving or shouting let them see that you are protecting them, whether they believe they need it or not, and will continue to do so until you are sure they have the message. Hells Bells, you did not go through hours of labour to squeeze out this new life, nurture and care for it AT GREAT EXPENSE to your body and your purse to have it think it knows more than you do.
Say that you will continue to nag, punish,and generally bore rigid until they have got their education, gone to College made their millions and are ready to take care of you.
Oh, and good luck with any or all of that.
Maybe just removing one of his ears? Lx
ReplyDeleteLOL...I do think and mutter about consequences all the time it seems...however consequences are key to ALL life matters and should not be made little of.... and Consistency is the other that I do have trouble maintaining..Larry and I always seem to start the punishment then we tire of it and they benefit..then the kids say well you dont see it through...well NEXT time you watch us!!
ReplyDeleteI also struggle with removal of privileges and rewards... I also struggle with my husband not thinking some things my Teen does are as bad as I do...
ReplyDeleteI've tried reasoning, and being 'adult' with him, and then I just become practically a sibling, and we fight/argue 'child' to child... Not good... That's why I'm here - For answers... :) x