Part Deux - More things I want my son to hear...

Are you sitting comfortably, Teen Terrorist...?

Okay, here we go again! These are the little tips I want to offer you in life, like a little olive branch - Shoots of hope, blossoms of grace, nuggets of wisdom...



Be kind to women. By now, I and your gay godfather, my Best Male Friend, The Donald, known to all and sundry as Donty, have decided that you are not gay...

So you are to respect women... but don't be a doormat, right - A pushover - for there are some women who take advantage of men they perceive to be 'a soft touch'...



Your mum recently met a woman, (she's your hairdresser, so you know her too - in fact you think she's 'Hawt!'), whose Best Male Friend had been done over by his Fancy-Piece...

She'd sworn to marry him on a golden isle - They had the invitations, the outfits, the rings, the hotel, ice-sculptures, scuba-diving and flights booked...

And she jilted this King Among Men, (apparently he was tres adorable... A bouncer, often the softest sorts...).

She took the dress, packed it and the rings into a case, and cleaned out most of his bank accounts, and she'd gone off on their honeymoon with another man... She married him there in Hono-Honey-Moo-Moo... and he's even wearing the Bouncer's wedding ring...

Well, would you?!


Not all women can be trusted...



But you should always respect your mother, and keep her in the manner to which she could become accustomed... Apparently...

Chi-chi Handbags, Jimmy Choos, Cristal Champers, that kind of thing...

Are you taking notes?! No!

Why not?



'Cause I'm talking 'Sandra Bullock', as usual...?

Young man, I don't know what you mean!!! And mind that language!

We've got guests after all!