My teenagers on holiday.

By the time you read this auntiegwen and the beautiful children will be in sunny Olu Deniz in Turkey. My children used to love holidays and look forward to them, now they say "Oh, do we have to go ?" in that tone. Poor wee scones, fancy subjecting them to a week in the sun in a villa with a pool and meals out every night. What a crap mummy I am.

I used to look at when the flights were cheapest over the 6 weeks and go then.
I now take into account when the children's friends are going on holiday. This helps with the moaning and whining level tremendously if they think they're not missing out. I have 3 children and Sod's Law will dictate that their friend's will all be going at different 2 week intervals throughout the summer. Not helpful.

I have been assured that they would all be happier if they got to bring a friend each, this would mean auntiegwen plus 6 teenagers, I think not, I can put up with moaning, thanks all the same.

The Beautiful Eldest Daughter doesn't really want to go on holiday with myself and her siblings at all. She would be much happier getting drunk in Costa del Anywhere with her mates or at home getting drunk with her mates in Casa del auntiegwen, instead she gets a week with her family and a gin and tonic on the terrace after dinner. I think I am being remarkably kind letting her have some of my gin, remarkably.

The Beautiful Baby Daughter when presented with a swimming pool becomes strangely obsessed by synchronised swimming. She makes up routines and you have to watch them. A lot. When she is not doing showy offy swimming she is talking. A lot. At home, BBD has other people to talk at, she spends 7 hours a day away from me at school. On holiday there is just me, her siblings have decided that semi permanent ipod usage is the best defense against her constant verbal onslaught. As I try and be a good mummy, I leave my ipod at home, my ears stop bleeding after day 3.

The Beautiful Son can eat at least 3 times his body weight on holiday instead of his usual double. His holiday chit chat will only contain references to food. He asks at breakfast where we are eating that night. He will read aloud to you from the visitors book other guests restaurant recommendations. He clock watches in the afternoon in case his 3 o'clock ice cream is a minute late. Tardiness at meal and snack times is not acceptable.

Both the daughters are fashion critics on holiday, and they are merciless in their mockery, a family all wearing crocs will get the full fat version of their pithy wit. Don't get me started on EBD's strange phobia about feet, suffice to say, we are the only family in the world who sunbathe in socks when EBD is there, we are allowed bare feet if she's inside or asleep. I can show you the photos.

Teenage emo's look really strange in the sunshine, the clothes and the pallor look odd when juxtaposed with sunshine and palm trees. Again, my holiday photos are interesting in a "they're so mad they should be studied kinda way"

Teenage fingers are quite restless on holiday, normally they are clicking away texting or facebooking or myspacing or psp ing etc etc. Waiting for meals to arrive in restaurants means your conversation is accompanied by a drum beat that Dave Grohl would be proud of.

The sunshine appears to have an effect on teenage energy levels. My kids sunbathe for 4 hours a day, eat for 3 and sleep for 12, the rest of the time they complain that they're knackered.

I keep telling myself I'll miss them when they've gone.