I am a proud, proud member of our Mad Manic Team (Mommas/Mums/Moms and Dads, and anyone else who might care what happens to the shreds that our left of our nerve endings...)
I thought I might respond today to those that might have been alarmed by me calling my Teen, and his ilk, or elks, if you're in North America, a Teen Terrorist...
I think, in terms of terrorists, I feel that by calling them 'Teen Terrorists' I am softening the connotations somewhat... And, let us think for a moment that, politically, not all perceived 'terrorists' are in fact terrorists, in as much as we (and our governments) might wish us to understand that word...
To be a terrorist is to come among us, occasionally with threats of violence, but definitely with demands... To be a terrorist is to have an agenda that you want to constrain others to follow, to live by...
I personally feel that many among us enter into motherhood, (in our less than extended families these 21st Century halcyon days), sometimes very unsure of ourselves when it comes to parenting... We worry about what is right and what is wrong, we interrogate the backs of our midwives and health visitors, as they run from the room because they need to be elsewhere, because we're not 'at risk'...
We eschew for a year all but the most sterile and safe breast milk, and when we find our babies still cramming their fists into their mouths with hunger, heck we'd feed them a beef sandwich if it would help them get off to sleep...
...And then we get a grip and we get on with things... We get on with doing our best...
And we enjoy the ball-pool and 5-A-Side Football parties and the mayhem, the soft-play and the fish-fingers, the messy finger-and-face-painting and the bleary-eyed, gap-toothed Christmas photos...(ours!)
But the teen (and tween) years sometimes just hit you like a baseball bat right between the eyes... You're often soooooooooooo not prepared...
We love our children dearly, but it can often feel as if that feeling is really not reciprocated at a time when respect is something they demand, and we just grasp at, like a melting, dying ice-maiden, if that makes sense...
And it seems to me to be getting tougher as we, the parents, grow to encounter the techno-savvy generations who 'know it all', and have a myriad of sources of information, (and peer opinions), about what they see as their rights...their need for realisation of self, the respect they feel that they are due.
Er, I don't have an answer today, mes bloggy chums... I know we sometimes just have to wait it out, wrapped in a blanket against the cold, until the loving child comes back to us and offers us an olive-branch of hope...
I just want to express that sometimes it isn't us, it isn't always our fault, it isn't necessarily bad parenting that gets us to this scary point in our lives...
It is just a phase they are growing through, that we have to endure, as Saz wisely espouses...
And knowing that makes my soul a little lighter tonight, don't you think so mes amis...
And please know that my thoughts and words always come from love, (and bondage, and or bonding, sounds pretty cool too, Moannie!)...
It's just sometimes I'm not sure that our teens know that we love them and care...
As a first time dad to a six year old, all I can say is "Thanks for scaring the heck out of my by telling me of the times to come."
ReplyDeleteLove that post,
Tony
"...but it can often feel as if that feeling is really not reciprocated at a time when respect is something they demand..."
ReplyDeleteOh boy, have you hit the nail on the head there. You just summarised everything that I am feeling but haven't managed to express so eloquently myself yet. Even though my teenagers are, generally speaking, on the 'right' side of the tracks.
Happily, I'm at the stage when my childrens teens have long faded in the mists of time, though eldest granddaughter was nine, yesterday, so I'll soon be handing out soothing words to her Ma and Pa, in what will seem like a flash - what's four years among kids?!
ReplyDeleteHello!
ReplyDeleteThis is a phenomenon with which, happily, I haven't had to contend! So I'm an imposter here really. Just came to read Fhina's words of wisdom (which are wise indeed) and to wish you all well in this new venture.
Sock it to 'em!!
Amen sister! I was thinking last night as I tried to get my two teens to bed so that I could rest without worrying, it's no wonder many parents seem to let teenagers run rampant. By the time the kids get to about 15, parents are exhausted. That's a long time to be butting heads, taking care of them and debating every point. Sometimes you feel like just raising your hands and saying "Fine, fine. Just do what you want. I'm done arguing". And then of course, the knowledge that you, as the parent, will be held liable in a court of law brings you straight back to your senses.
ReplyDeleteYou've got it just right! I still feel wrapped in that blanket in the cold, sometimes for my protection, sometimes to keep my parental madness under control. Ha!
ReplyDeleteAm feeling so like this today. Take, take, herumph, take! And two standing closely behind to follow in the behavioural footsteps. Agh!
ReplyDeletePiratedred: What books does a Pirate Read?! Be afraid, be very afraid... They are darling, they are always darling, but they do MORPH! Thank you for your kindness, Tony! x
ReplyDeletetraceelements: Merci, thank you, so much! My son is on pretty much the right (ish) side of the tracks, but it is a scary, scary time... Isn't it just? x
jinksy: ...And you will do it sooo well, darling Jinkstress, I just know it! What a role model you are. x
Derrick: Ah, Derrick, teenagers or running a shop, I couldn't tell you which is more difficult - Both will give you sleepless nights and will take your money, and sort of not love you back, I guess! Thank you for your kind wishes to us, and I hope you'll be back to read our whines and cheese... ;) x
Expat mum: 'Allelujah - Rattle that darned tambourine, sistah! This worry is practically worse than all those nights of 'interrupted sleep', non?! Teens push and push, don't they, so you get to a point where you can't even remember who you are anymore... x
Shabstress: I sit wrapped in the blanket, rocking back and forth, back and forth! Parental Manic Madness, Shabstress, that's us! x
Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3: Oh, Jo, I feel for you, my precious - with more waiting in the wings! xox
Oh my! This is the place for me. I have a newly minted tween and yowza! I can see that I won't be giving up drinking for several more years! I'll be hanging on your every word. Plus, you mentioned Johnny Depp... love of my life. I think we'll be great friends! ;)
ReplyDeleteAdlibby, if you want to post here, about your dahlink Tweens and Teens, we shall be more, more, more than happy to have you join us - Just please let us know, and you may post as little or as often as you wish - We may have to close the doors on contributors at some point, but hopefully, not yet - Saz and I are like the Mick and Keef of Teen Parenting Blogging - Glimmer Twins, we are! Love, Fhi xox
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