Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming

It's been about four months since we found out that we had to dealing with a teenager using drugs. (Yes, yes, I know it was "only" pot. But we were non-negotiable about this - zero tolerance.)

I thought I'd let you all know how it is going....

Drain (my husband has decided that if I am Sink, he is Drain. His job - he says - is to make sure I don't get too full of myself. Nice.) and I stuck to our original plan. We followed through in every step.

You may remember that I cried when we cut off his curls. His curls started to grow back, and I was thrilled. But he asked me to take him to cut his hair again. He has decided that he likes it short. He has also started wearing his glasses all the time - has found he likes to be able to see after all.

He is still seeing the therapist, although the counselor, right from the start was not concerned about his drug use. The time with the therapist has been a Godsend as we negotiate that stressful last year at home before leaving the nest to go to college. I wish we had done this with the older three! #4 and I talk so much more about the difficulties of transitions in relationships as this year progresses.

We have let him attend some social events - moving very slowing. First we drove him to an event at school and picked him up immediately following, slowly transitioning to last week when we let him go to a friend's house, where I walked him inside and talked to the parents to be certain that they would be home the entire evening.

And, finally, yes, he continues to pass the random drug tests we give him. Sounds a little harsh, I suppose, to some -- infringing on personal rights and all such stuff -- but Drain, and I don't care about that. As liberal as we are politically, we feel pretty secure that this is worth it. He is keeping his nose clean. Former President Reagan's "Trust, but Verify" holds a whole new kind of place in our family.

And the college acceptances have started to come in, complete with considerable scholarship money, because he is a smart kid. He's waiting still, to hear from his first and second choices, but at any rate, he knows that 4 schools want him already.

So, we are still swimming. We are not complacent, can't quite breathe yet, but that's okay. We're beginning to see the sunlight and starting to feel hopeful again. And we give #4 a great deal of the credit. He has made a good choice, this time. We will continue to keep him attached, while letting out the elastic slowly, to keep him on a steady path...a path he chooses, and a steady path.


  1. Sink, I know it is early days, but I commend you for all that you are doing to ground and grow this fine young man at this crucial, critical (and oh so fragile) stage of his life... Lovely. Wonderful xox

  2. Keep on swimming, you are doing a wonderful job.

  3. Aw, he looks lovely. The complacent attitude to pot kills me. Even my teens, who say they are dead against drug use, don't seem to include pot in this category. I just keep stressing that whatever you think of it, it's illegal and if you get busted, you will not get into college and you've pretty much screwed your life up. FIngers crossed.

  4. ,,,lovely...and the fight fascism tee says it all...l'm on board with this but.....


  5. Thanks, everyone.

    And Expat, isn't that exactly it? I'm just trying to keep him from "screwing up his life"? At what point can he not fix things anymore? How important is keeping his act together now? Or learning from his mistakes now? How forgiving is life?

    I'd like to think there is always a chance for recovery from mistakes. Yet sometimes the mistakes sure do make things difficult for the ones we love.