Monday, 13 July 2009

My teenagers on holiday.

By the time you read this auntiegwen and the beautiful children will be in sunny Olu Deniz in Turkey. My children used to love holidays and look forward to them, now they say "Oh, do we have to go ?" in that tone. Poor wee scones, fancy subjecting them to a week in the sun in a villa with a pool and meals out every night. What a crap mummy I am.

I used to look at when the flights were cheapest over the 6 weeks and go then.
I now take into account when the children's friends are going on holiday. This helps with the moaning and whining level tremendously if they think they're not missing out. I have 3 children and Sod's Law will dictate that their friend's will all be going at different 2 week intervals throughout the summer. Not helpful.

I have been assured that they would all be happier if they got to bring a friend each, this would mean auntiegwen plus 6 teenagers, I think not, I can put up with moaning, thanks all the same.

The Beautiful Eldest Daughter doesn't really want to go on holiday with myself and her siblings at all. She would be much happier getting drunk in Costa del Anywhere with her mates or at home getting drunk with her mates in Casa del auntiegwen, instead she gets a week with her family and a gin and tonic on the terrace after dinner. I think I am being remarkably kind letting her have some of my gin, remarkably.

The Beautiful Baby Daughter when presented with a swimming pool becomes strangely obsessed by synchronised swimming. She makes up routines and you have to watch them. A lot. When she is not doing showy offy swimming she is talking. A lot. At home, BBD has other people to talk at, she spends 7 hours a day away from me at school. On holiday there is just me, her siblings have decided that semi permanent ipod usage is the best defense against her constant verbal onslaught. As I try and be a good mummy, I leave my ipod at home, my ears stop bleeding after day 3.

The Beautiful Son can eat at least 3 times his body weight on holiday instead of his usual double. His holiday chit chat will only contain references to food. He asks at breakfast where we are eating that night. He will read aloud to you from the visitors book other guests restaurant recommendations. He clock watches in the afternoon in case his 3 o'clock ice cream is a minute late. Tardiness at meal and snack times is not acceptable.

Both the daughters are fashion critics on holiday, and they are merciless in their mockery, a family all wearing crocs will get the full fat version of their pithy wit. Don't get me started on EBD's strange phobia about feet, suffice to say, we are the only family in the world who sunbathe in socks when EBD is there, we are allowed bare feet if she's inside or asleep. I can show you the photos.

Teenage emo's look really strange in the sunshine, the clothes and the pallor look odd when juxtaposed with sunshine and palm trees. Again, my holiday photos are interesting in a "they're so mad they should be studied kinda way"

Teenage fingers are quite restless on holiday, normally they are clicking away texting or facebooking or myspacing or psp ing etc etc. Waiting for meals to arrive in restaurants means your conversation is accompanied by a drum beat that Dave Grohl would be proud of.

The sunshine appears to have an effect on teenage energy levels. My kids sunbathe for 4 hours a day, eat for 3 and sleep for 12, the rest of the time they complain that they're knackered.

I keep telling myself I'll miss them when they've gone.


  1. Isn't that the truth?! They drive you crazy and you can't wait for just... a bit... of peace... and then the moment you have it you can't wait to have them back.

    Such a catch 22...

  2. I knew there were a number of ways I didn't quite fit in with MMM - apart from the obvious one! This "a bit... of peace... and then the moment you have it you can't wait to have them back" phenomenon is definitely a female thing. Ask any Dad - we'll have the peace and then seeing them at Christmas and holidays will do fine!

  3. ahh, your post reassured me and terrified me in equal measure. reassured becoz it confirmed that mummyhood is well, relentless, confusing and tiring. Terrified me, becoz I have four that will all be teenagers at the same time. I'm 3 years off the first one turning teen, but already filled with dread...

    fab writing, your kids are gorgeous btw!

  4. oh ok, so now i'm a complete numpty...those aren't your kids in the top righthand corner are they?

    Pig shuffling off in abject shame, soo slow on the uptake...

  5. With two teenagers and a 6 year old, I can relate to some of this. The little one, deprived of attention from his older sibs, talks NON-STOP and usually to me. I had visions of them playing indulgently with hin but usually get "Mo-o-o-m, he's being annoying again". Poor guy - better start saving for the therapy sessions when he's older.

  6. Oh you're living my life then. Had to laugh re the synchronised swimming and chattering - sorry to be sick, but I'm so glad I'm not alone on that one. I guess they can talk so much because they don't need to draw breath - thus the underwater talent!

  7. I keep thing about that too..but for now hope you are having FUN...with a capital F...and that they dont give you much trouble..

    we can never all agree on where to go...and its never appealed actually, sun, kids, sand, crevices hot flushes and humidity, can't cope. So another year we've missed out onplaining, but next year I want to go back to IOW and chill circa 1960's feel.

    missing you already!

  8. Beautiful Auntie Gwennie, you made me laugh so much at work (where I couldn't comment, sadly), because I was just so there with you on your lovely hols - They can never be at rest, can they? We were in a good, all inclusive Caribbean holiday resort last year -

    All facilities and entertainment on tap, all free, sailing, windsurfing, tennis, pools, jacuzzi, beach and pool volleyball, swimming in the sea, classes and full-on teen and other entertainment, including TV and American Cable Channels in our room, and after a couple of days our son (17~) said, 'I'm bored... There's nothing here to do!'

    Love this posting, Auntie Gwen - Love it!

    And I knew the Scriptor would provide some useful insight from a dad's perspective - Thank you, Sir - Now I understand my husband a little better! x

  9. Kathy B - I know, I do want the peace but on my terms and at my convenience

    SS - but mine aren't fully functioning humans yet, my son asked in genuine tones "When Lara goes to uni will she need a carer ?"

    Pink - it is relentless but I am thinking of it as a work in progress ! and be numptyish in good company, I had to check the picture because on my own blog there is a pic in that very space !

    Expat mum - I spent my life ensuring she had a voice as I was worried that as the youngest she would get crowded out ! hah life really did bite me on the ass

    Rtbc - good to meet a fellow sufferer, don't get me started on the current obsession of nail art, feckin youtube

    FFF - we had a great holiday really, because it's our own house we always go there, an indecisive woman like myself would never cope with a new destination every year, I'd need to have a big lie down after that !

    Fhina - and could you stop yourself exploding into a "would you give yourself peace" I'm convinced the kids will put that on my gravestone !!!!